For over two years, my Fitbit watch was slow.
Not because it was broken—but because I couldn’t log in to fix it. Slowly but surely, lags of seconds turned to minutes—eventually ticking eight minutes slow. It became a running joke in the office: How many minutes off is too far off, and when is it officially time to buy a new watch?
Then one day, prompted by a vaguely threatening email warning that I’d soon lose access unless I updated my sign-in method, I tried again—and to my great surprise and delight, it worked. I was finally able to log in and sync my watch.
When you spend years knowing that the number on your screen isn’t accurate and constantly doing mental math to figure out the right time, a few things happen. The first is a fairly obvious by-product: You’re often late, as you don’t realize when five minutes gradually turns into seven.
The second is less obvious—you come across as overly complicated, or even a little untrustworthy. When someone whispers to ask you for the time, normal people would just show their watch. Now try doing that and pantomiming, “It’s actually eight minutes slow.” It’s… a lot.
And the last is a bit more abstract, albeit dramatic: You’ve been out of sync with reality for so long that when it’s suddenly accurate, you start to doubt whether you even know what’s real or what’s accurate anymore.
In the grand scheme of things, a watch that’s a few minutes off might seem trivial. But when small distortions accumulate over time—whether with a watch or with relationships—the weight can be surprisingly heavy.
At Journey Group, one of our maxims is to keep short accounts.
If you were to go two years without addressing misunderstandings, you’d likely find yourself significantly out of alignment—not just with others, but with yourself. Are you constantly doing mental math—replaying that one bit of negative feedback, or revisiting the moment you were too nervous to speak up about something that bothered you? Odds are, the issue has been circulating in your head for far longer than it’s lived in anyone else’s. If so, it might be time to recalibrate.
We all make mistakes. We all say things we regret—and, inversely, regret the things we didn’t say. We’re human. Don’t beat yourself up, but do use those moments to grow. What would you have wished you had done in those situations? And more importantly, what might you do differently next time?
How to reframe the past
The following include some ways to reframe and reimagine nagging issues. Like a watch instantly displaying the correct time, these shifts in our thinking can bring relief, clarity, and even hope for what’s ahead.
1. Distance yourself from the situation.
Imagine that the situation involved a friend, not you. What would you advise them to do? Sometimes, seeing things from the outside helps defuse the emotional charge.
2. Move from blame to curiosity.
Instead of beating yourself up over a situation that didn’t go according to plan, try replaying it with curiosity. What did you learn about yourself or the other person? What did it teach you about what you value? How do you want to communicate differently next time?
3. Assume positive intent.
Maybe that comment wasn’t meant to hurt you but came from a genuine desire to help you grow. Perhaps your idea wasn’t ignored but was buried under a flood of distractions. Not everything is personal.
4. Visualize the future.
A year from now, what version of you will be glad you brought that small thing into the open? When you frame it as part of the longer journey, the discomfort feels more manageable—and more worthwhile.
How to keep short accounts
Practically, what does it look like to keep short accounts? Address issues in the moment and approach difficult conversations with care, rather than letting time go by and you slowly falling out of sync with others.
1. Use soft openings.
“Could I get your take on something that’s bothering me?” is much more approachable than “We need to talk.” The former indicates a mutual puzzle to solve together and the latter will immediately foster defensiveness in the other person.
2. Avoid ambushing.
Respect the other person’s time and emotional reactions: “I have a few things I’d like to talk through so we can get on the same page. Could we find 20 minutes today or tomorrow?”
3. Avoid accusing.
You aren’t here to call out someone for what they said or did; you’re here to connect. Invite the other person to do you a favor and help clarify by starting with something like: “I’ve been sitting with something, and I don’t want to assume anything on your part. Could you help me better understand your intent when…?”
4. Share the impact.
Tell the other person how their comment impacted you. Defuse any defensiveness by stating: “I’m sure this wasn’t your intent, but I wanted to let you know how I felt so we can move forward together.”
5. Embrace the awkwardness.
These types of conversations feel uncomfortable because they crack open the facade that shows you have it all together. Own it. Say things like, “This feels uncomfortable to bring up, but I value our working relationship and I want to be honest with you.” Vulnerability isn’t a weakness—it’s the gateway to trust.
Keeping short accounts means addressing conflict in the moment, sharing your perspective honestly, and walking away with both parties more aligned. When it comes from a genuine desire to better understand the other person and grow together toward a shared vision, it is often met with openness, and a deeper sense of mutual trust and respect.
By addressing difficult conversations right away, you stop the minutes—or the years—from ticking by and distorting your view of reality.
How will you approach your next difficult conversation? Will you choose clarity over confusion? Connection over distance?